| He is all I can think about. I get stoned and it helps to not cry, it
helps me think of all the good times and laugh at some of the crazy
memories... but when I come down, everything is real again. I always
thought it was such a cliche when people would say "I keep thinking
I'll wake up and find this is just a dream", but that's how I feel. I
look at
all this memorial stuff and see his pictures and read about people
talking about how he's gone and it still feels unreal.. it still feels
like it could be a dream. But it's not... and I don't know how to deal
with it. |
| |
| ... if it'll all come together.
Maybe he means it.
Five years down the road and here we are.
Seems there's no escaping one another now.
|
| |
| I haven't talked much to anyone back home.
For some reason, I don't feel the desire to.
I
don't want to hear or know about anything that's going on in
Jacksonville. I wanted to get away from all of it. I wanted to leave
all of those soul-wrenching memories behind and be somewhere that
doesn't remind me of anything.
I haven't returned many calls.
I
suppose I'm worried someone will tell me something that might taint or
disrupt the happy calm I've discovered in this foreign place that
already feels like home.
For once... there's a balance within me. I don't feel lost or confused.
I don't care what anyone thinks, except for those that matter.
I miss about four or five people (truly), not including my family.
I feel... almost complete...
|
| |
| I don't write anymore.
My talent is mostly forgotten [but then I wonder if it ever existed].
I should feel lonely.
I should feel cold.
I should feel empty.
Instead... I think it's apathy I feel, at least towards relationships-
romantic and platonic.
There's no point when there's no joy in getting to know a person.
How can someone show you their soul when they don't have one?
Or theirs is a just a copy of someone else's...?
I wish someone would intrigue me...
|
| |
